In Front Of You
by kh94
Summary: Takes place after 8x22. A reimagining of what happens after Lexie confesses her love to Mark. Are they really meant to be? Sidenote: There will be no plane crash in this story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is my first foray into the fanfic writing (I've been a long-time reader but never had the guts to write a fic), so please be gentle. I hated the way the Lexie and Mark storyline ended, along with the majority of the Grey's fandom, and this idea of a rewrite came to me one night while I was avoiding studying. It's not very original by any means but hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Hey, Lexie, have you been here all night?" Derek asked as he walked into the lab.

Lexie looked up from the mountain of research and noticed that it had, in fact, turned light outside. Had she really been here all night? Well, she shouldn't be surprised. She just wanted to get her mind off what happened last night so she tried to immerse herself back into Derek's research, which didn't work of course since she spent the better part of the night thinking all about what happened.

"Huh, I guess so. I guess I just lost track of time," she shrugged.

"Well, we've got a craniotomy in an hour so you better be awake and ready. See you in OR 3."

With that, Derek gave Lexie a parting glance and left the room. Lexie wondered if Mark had told him what happened, but she doubted it since it was still quite early in the morning and she had only poured her heart and soul out to Mark late last night. God, what was she thinking? Well, clearly she wasn't. It wasn't how it was supposed to go; she never meant to tell him like that but he was just there and when she saw his face, the words came flying out. Now she definitely knew what people meant by 'word vomit'. To make matters worse, Julia came outside straight after the confession, oblivious to what had just occurred.

Lexie felt so mortified thinking back on it. Mark simply just left with Julia, only pausing to say goodnight. That's why she found herself back in the hospital, trying to lose herself in pages of research about arteriovenous malformations. Lexie stood up and stretched her back, noticing that she had better get moving now if she wanted to swing by the residents' lounge to freshen up before Derek's surgery. Today was going to be a long day.

* * *

Meredith found Lexie sprawled over a table in the cafeteria in the early evening, unsure whether she was asleep or falling into a coma.

"You look like crap," Meredith remarked as she got closer.

"Gee, thanks," was all she heard in reply from the unmoving form. Lexie slowly pried her upper body off the table and slumped back in her chair.

"You know better than to run on no sleep. I heard from Derek that you guys have been in back-to-back surgeries all day."

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not complaining but I'm totally dead on my feet. Wait, is that coffee?" Lexie noticed the cup in Meredith's hand.

"Oh, right. I bought it for you," Meredith said offhandedly as she held the coffee out to Lexie.

Lexie lunged for the cup with as much strength as she could muster, which wasn't much at all, and gratefully cradled it in both hands. "You couldn't have led with this?" she asked as she took a long pull. Much better.

Meredith hesitated. "Lexie… Mark told Derek what happened," she began gently.

Lexie swallowed her mouthful of coffee slowly. She didn't know how to respond so she simply nodded to indicate she had heard her sister.

"I didn't know you were still in love with him. So you and Jackson broke up because of..?"

Lexie sighed. "Yeah. I didn't even know at the time that I was still in love with Mark but apparently it was obvious because Jackson knew. I… What I did yesterday was stupid. I just blurted it out to him! It was like I couldn't stop! And then Julia came outside and he didn't say anything and they just left together…" Lexie put down the coffee and buried her face in her hands. "I still love him, Meredith."

"I know," Meredith simply said, putting a hand on Lexie's shoulder. "He's been looking for you, you know."

"I don't know what to say to him. I wanted an answer from him yesterday but now the adrenaline's gone and I don't know if I want to hear what he has to say."

"You have to talk to him sometime, though. You can't just drop this bomb on him and walk away."

"Yeah, I know. Just… not today."

Meredith rubbed her shoulder sympathetically and stood. "Alex, Cristina and I are going over to Joe's if you want to join us. But it looks like you could drop dead at any minute so…"

"I better go home," Lexie finished off. A few shots of vodka did sound good but she was just too damn tired. She still had half a bottle under her bed so maybe she could take a few swigs once she got home. Lovesick and drinking alone at home. How much of cliché could she be, she thought, and shook her head inwardly.

"Do you need me to drive you home?"

"Meredith, it's okay. I'm not sick or anything so I can drive. I'm okay. I'll be okay," Lexie halfheartedly smiled up at her. "Thanks, though."

After Meredith left, Lexie finished off her coffee and threw the empty cup in the trash. She stifled a yawn and headed back to the lab to tie up a few loose ends before she would change out of her scrubs and go home.

* * *

It had a been a day since Lexie told him that she loved him and Mark didn't know what to do, which is why he was lying awake in bed at 3:23AM. He was almost glad that Julia had interrupted them when she did since he didn't know how to respond to anything Lexie had just said. Suddenly, he felt ashamed; she laid it all out on the line and he was glad someone had interrupted them. Way to go, Sloan, he thought. Oh God, and Julia… Was he supposed to tell her? Did he _want_ to tell her? If he did, it was inevitable that she would ask if he felt the same way about Lexie, which he couldn't answer. He felt guilty for being unsure and he was glad Julia had a night shift and wasn't lying next to him, otherwise he would feel even guiltier than he already was about what was going through his head right now. He thought he was over Lexie; he had moved on with Julia and he couldn't remember the last time he was so happy. Well, except for when he was with Lexie.

Damn, why did everything have to get so complicated? He thought everything was finally falling into place in his personal life; he met a great woman who wanted the same things he did, he had a beautiful daughter, and he couldn't ask for better co-parents in Callie and Arizona, who were also his best friends and they lived just across the hall. Now a spanner was thrown into the works again and he was almost angry at Lexie for telling him how she felt. But he knew it wasn't her fault and if he remembered correctly, he did something very similar to her that was along the lines of a proposal when she was with Karev, so who was he to judge? Mark sighed and changed his sleeping position for the umpteenth time, not any closer to sleep or figuring out what out what he was going to do. He had tried looking for Lexie all day at work even though he didn't know what he was going to say, thinking that maybe if he saw her face, the words would come to him. Unluckily, or luckily, he couldn't find her but he was determined to find her tomorrow. He just needed to talk to her and figure out what this all meant.

* * *

"You still haven't talked to her?" Derek asked, somewhat incredulous, as he and Mark walked the halls of Seattle Grace Mercy West.

"Hey, it's only been a day and I've tried, and am still trying, to look for her. Do you think she's avoiding me?"

"Well, considering you just walked away when she declared her love for you, what do you expect her to do? Come running to you with open arms?"

Mark took a bite of his apple. "Julia was there! What was I supposed to do?"

Derek gave his best friend a sideways glance and shook his head with a slight smile. He had more than his fair share of love problems in the past so he really didn't have the right to judge, but he couldn't help it. He might be biased since Lexie was his sister-in-law but he knew she was the one for Mark. He had known the guy his whole life and he had never seen Mark light up the way he did when he was with Lexie.

"You know what you weren't supposed to do? Say nothing and walk away," Derek countered.

"Okay, fair enough. I deserve that. But I'm trying to talk to her now. Can you help me out? She's on your service," Mark asked as he leaned against the nurses' station.

Derek grabbed one of his patient's charts and began to write in the notes. "No, no, no. I'm not getting in the middle of this. You find her yourself."

"Some best friend you are," Mark said as he finished off his apple and tossed the core into a nearby trash can.

"I aim to please," Derek replied, closing the chart and handing it back to the nurse before backing away, leaving Mark at the station. "You better do it!"

"Yeah, yeah," Mark shrugged off nonchalantly, slightly annoyed.

After Derek was out of sight, the annoyance gave way to resignation and he knew his best friend was right. He would do the few surgeries he had that day and then his top priority would be to find Lexie. He couldn't drag this out any further.

* * *

It was late evening and Lexie was once again in the lab going through Derek's research. He was really piling on the work but she was grateful for it because it meant keeping her mind off a certain double Board-certified plastic surgeon. But of course, no matter how much work she had to do, her mind always seemed to wander to him and she had to catch herself a few times to refocus back on the task at hand. She hated how pathetic she seemed, pining over her ex who was with someone else. When did she become _that_ girl? She knew she didn't have much in the pride department to begin with by any means but this had to be a new low for her.

Shaking it off, she decided she needed a coffee if she was going to get any work done and have any chance of sleeping in her own bed tonight. She stood and made her way to the door when it swung open and Mark suddenly appeared before her. She stopped dead in her tracks, not expecting him nor the sudden movement.

"Hey, Lex. Can we talk?"

She was like a deer caught in headlights. "Um… I was just actually going to get a coffee. You know, I have a lot of work to do since Derek's really dishing it out…" She trailed off.

"Lex, we need to talk about the other night. You… It just came out of nowhere. I'm sorry I walked away but I was shocked and Julia showed up. But I'm here now and we _need_ to talk about it," he said as he stared at her with an earnest expression.

Lexie laughed humorlessly. "Well, the ball's kind of in your court since I was the one who said I still love you."

Mark put his hands in the pockets of his lab coat and looked down at the floor before shifting his eyes back to the brunette in front of him. "Nothing's changed, Lexie. We still want different things; I want to settle down and have a family and you… You're just at the beginning of your career. This is why we didn't work in the first place. Nothing has changed."

"Why couldn't you wait for me? I never said I didn't want those things, because I do. I just don't want them right now. I never once said no to any of it and you couldn't wait for me," she replied, her voice clearly pained.

"My daughter came to me for help! What did you want me to do? Turn her away? I was going to wait for you to have all those things – it was because of you that I wanted those things - but that happened and I had a responsibility-"

"You chose her over me!" Lexie interjected, her voice rising. "You chose her over me, Mark. You were turning our lives upside down for this daughter you barely knew and you didn't even ask me!"

"Are we back to this? Are we really having this fight again?" Mark asked incredulously.

Lexie took a deep breath. "You're right. It doesn't matter anymore. What I'm saying right now is that I love you, Mark." She took a few steps towards him. "I want all the things you want. Maybe not right now, but I do eventually. It's always going to be you," she paused, not knowing whether she wanted the answer to the question she was about to ask. "Do you still love me?"

The inner turmoil was clear in his eyes. "Lex… I'm with Julia. She wants what I want and we're in the same place in our lives." He hesitated and looked away, trying to find the right words.

Lexie took this opportunity to close the distance between them and she placed her hands gently on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. "Mark, do you still love me? I just have to know that at least," her voice soft and filled with something akin to desperation, though not quite there yet.

She brushed her thumbs over his cheeks and her eyes ran over his face searchingly. She could see the struggle in his eyes and before she could stop herself, she leaned in and kissed him softly, like an old habit. She leaned her forehead on his for the briefest moment and when he opened his eyes, she was gone. He could hear the door slowly swinging back and forth until it just didn't anymore and the silence washed over him.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading and please review if you'd like to! I would appreciate any feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexie sat at the dining room table and took another drink from her now almost-empty bottle of vodka. It was now after 2AM and she thought back to what had happened earlier in the lab with Mark. It would be funny if it wasn't so screwed up. I mean, she had confessed her love to him twice within three days and both times, he couldn't give her an answer. Only this time, she had been the one to walk away. She didn't expect herself to kiss him and it just overwhelmed her to the point that she had to get out of there. She went to get her coffee like she had planned to in the first place and lingered in the halls while drinking it slowly, biding her time until she knew the coast would be clear. Lexie felt the vodka settling in and she knew she would have a hellish day tomorrow because of it. She was never the one to turn to alcohol whenever she had problems – that was always Meredith's forte – but she had found herself jonesing for a drink as soon as she stepped in the door. Oh God, _jonesing_? She really was on her way to being drunk.

Lexie saw a light turn on in the hallway and heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Lexie? What are you doing?" Meredith enquired sleepily, a small yawn escaping as she entered the dining room in her worn Dartmouth shirt and checkered pajama bottoms.

"Just drowning my sorrows," Lexie sighed sadly. She then realized that Meredith was in front of her, awake, and she suddenly felt guilty. "Oh, did I wake you? I'm so sorry. I can go to my room if you want-"

"No, no, it's fine. I just came down to get a glass of water. What's wrong?" Meredith asked as she walked over to the cupboard.

"Mark came into the lab this evening."

Meredith looked over at her sister, who took another sip from the bottle. Sighing, she grabbed another glass and also filled it with water, bringing both glasses to the table. She placed one in front of Lexie and pulled out a chair, taking a seat next to the dejected brunette.

"Here. You need to stay hydrated. You want to tell me what happened?"

"There's almost nothing to tell since it was basically the same as what happened three days ago; I told him I love him and he didn't say anything. Oh, he did say that nothing's changed and we still want different things." She took a sip of water. "He's right, though," Lexie added with a sad smile.

Meredith hated seeing her sister like this. She knew they didn't have the best relationship, which was mostly her fault, and they still weren't as close as a lot of sisters were but she cared for Lexie and she was trying to be a better older sister to her.

"I'm sorry, Lexie. But you just have to give him some time. He moved on and he was happy but now he has to process all of this, which isn't easy. It's going to take more than a few days to work it out."

"Yeah, you're right. I just… It's hard, you know?" Lexie put her elbows on the dining table and rested her forehead on her hands, her eyes downcast. "How did you and Derek do it? Didn't you guys want different things at first?" Lexie asked as she peered over at Meredith.

Meredith sighed. "You know that's not the same as what you and Mark went through. Derek and I, we never had surprise daughters appear out of nowhere or babies with our best friends. I just wasn't ready for everything yet and Derek was extremely patient with me, gently pushing me in the right direction and waiting until I was. Our story was never simple but it's a different kind of complicated compared to yours and Mark's."

"I should have just kept my mouth shut and my feelings to myself. He would still be happy if he didn't know and I would be the only one hurt."

"Lexie, you can't be serious. He needed to know and it would've killed you if you didn't tell him since you would always be wondering about 'what if'. I know it's bad right now but you were right to tell him."

Lexie seemed doubtful and just nodded. She gulped down the rest of her water and stood, her body taking a few moments to adjust to the new altitude. The alcohol had affected her more than she realized.

"I better get some sleep in since I've got an early shift tomorrow. Night, Mer," Lexie said, her voice tinged with sadness and fatigue.

Meredith watched with a look of concern on her face as her sister walked out towards the stairs. She knew there was nothing she could really do to make this all better but she had to try, right?

* * *

Mark groaned and rolled over as he was awakened by his phone's ringtone. He checked the time on it as he went to answer it, seeing that it was only 5:30AM and Derek was the one calling.

"Are you serious? Do you know what time it is?" Mark complained as he answered without preamble.

"Good morning to you, too. How would you like to go fishing today?" Derek asked, with too much enthusiasm for Mark's liking.

"You woke me up at this ungodly hour on my day off to ask if I wanted to go on your dingy little boat and catch fish?"

Derek couldn't help but be amused at the clear annoyance in his friend's voice - so amused that he chose to ignore the jab at his boat.

"Oh, come on. It'd be good to get away from everything for a while and clear your head. Just the two of us, like old times." Derek knew Mark could never resist when he played the friendship card.

Mark huffed. "Yeah, fine. Hey, remember when you used to be a city boy? I miss that," he remarked.

"Great! I'll pick you up in half an hour."

With that, the line went dead and Mark flopped back down on his bed. He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed, pausing for a few moments before pushing himself off the bed. Instead of going to the bathroom, he headed straight for the kitchen; he needed coffee if he was going to stay sane spending hours on a boat in the middle of a lake.

* * *

"You know, this isn't actually half bad," Mark commented as he cast his line out into the deep blue water. He and Derek had been out on the lake for a couple of hours and although he was resistant at first, he had come to enjoy the tranquility and comfortable silence.

"See, what did I tell you? It's pretty great, right?"

"But I still maintain that this is a dingy boat."

Derek chuckled. "It gives the whole experience a rustic feel. Keep making fun of my boat and you'll be swimming back to shore."

"Fine, okay. How's this then: this boat is the Derek Shepherd of boats; not as good as the Mark Sloan of boats, but pretty adequate," Mark joked, smirking.

"Oh, shut up. Your voice is scaring away the fish."

"I'm not the only one talking here."

"Yes, but my voice is soothing, like the sound of rain."

"I always have to pee when I listen to rain for too long. And nice metaphor, Tolstoy. That how you picked up Meredith?"

"I'm surprised you even know of Tolstoy. I always thought you just read your textbooks or girls' phone numbers off the back of your hand during med school."

"Ah, med school. We were a good team, weren't we? You, the serious brooding one, and me, the sexy fun one. Good times."

"Okay, this is one road I do not want to go down if you're describing yourself like that," Derek cringed.

Mark laughed and conceded, enjoying the back and forth between them. They saw each other almost every day at the hospital but it was rare that they got to spend a prolonged period of time together, just the two of them, since they both had families of their own now. This reminded Mark how nice it was and he realized how much he missed it.

They fell back into an easy silence and focused on their fishing lines, each lost in their own thoughts. After a while, Derek was the first to speak.

"When Addison came to Seattle all those years ago, I didn't know what to do. I was falling love with Meredith but Addison was my wife and we made vows to each other, even if she had already broken hers," Derek began, his voice distant. "I didn't know if I still loved Addie or not but I thought I had to try, right? She had done something wrong but I just walked away without doing anything at all. But then there was Meredith, who didn't deserve any of what was happening to her, and we were falling for each other. She made me feel alive and I was so happy when I was with her. Why go back to my cheating wife when I had this amazing woman in front of me?"

Mark listened intently, still staring straight ahead at his fishing line. Derek rarely talked about what happened when he had chosen Addison over Meredith so Mark knew better than to interrupt.

"I was sitting in the hospital foyer one night, with Meredith waiting for me at Joe's and the divorce papers in my briefcase. At that point, I still felt so confused and I was going back and forth. It was then that Bailey came walking by and I asked her what I should do. She told me that I knew what to do already but it was just painful to do it, that I had made my choice but it was executing the choice that was difficult. Bailey being Bailey, of course she was right. I had made up mind already but I just didn't want to do it because it meant breaking Meredith's heart, and also mine as well."

It was now that Mark spoke up. "But you ended up making the wrong choice. You chose Addison and then found out that she had stayed with me after you left for Seattle. You wasted months trying to make it work with Addison, months that you could've been with Meredith."

"But I still made the right choice at the time. I needed to try and make it work with Addison, otherwise I would have always regretted not fighting enough for my marriage. Yeah, I was pissed off when I found out about you and Addison staying together after I left but looking back on it, I knew that I had done the right thing. It was trying, painful and extremely difficult but it was what I needed to do," Derek explained.

Mark was quiet and reflected on what Derek had just said. Did he really know what he wanted to do? It didn't seem like it, but like Derek said, it could have just been the reality of his choice causing him to appear undecided. He always thought that Lexie was the one for him but now that he was with Julia, he wasn't so sure. He was certain that he will never love anyone like he loved Lexie since she was the first woman he ever truly loved, but Julia made him extremely happy and she was everything that he needed in his life.

"How do you know when you've made your choice and it's not just indecisiveness anymore?" Mark asked as he turned to look at Derek, his voice strained.

"I can't explain it but you just know. Deep down, you know what to do. I don't know what else to tell you," Derek answered as he met his friend's gaze. "You just have to give it some time."

Mark returned his attention to the still waters before him, understanding what Derek meant but not feeling any better about it.

"Your boat sucks, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

After Mark had returned from his fishing trip with Derek, he found himself on his hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor with a sponge. It was only mid-afternoon when Derek had dropped him off so he thought he would do some cleaning around the apartment to keep himself busy, although he was never really a big cleaner – he always had a maid, even from a very young age - and found himself somewhat regretting it. However, he was a family man now and family men did not have maids, he surmised. He continued scrubbing and eventually made his way around the whole apartment. He had thought that cleaning would clear his mind but his thoughts were no more coherent than when he began.

Mark went into his bedroom and changed into his running gear, needing to expend all the pent-up energy he still had. Five minutes later, he was out in the gloomy Seattle weather, his feet pounding on the sidewalk in a comfortable, steady rhythm. He weaved effortlessly through the crowded streets and let his mind wander as he always did when he went running.

His thoughts went to this little girl, which automatically made him smile. He thought back to last week, how she had been so excited about something and came running over to the kitchen to show him, although she had not yet mastered the art of walking and was still unsteady on her feet. Mark had been too busy trying to keep the chicken from burning that he realized too late that she was losing her balance and was about to fall over. When he turned around with his arms outstretched in a feeble attempt to catch Sofia, he saw that Julia had already caught her and was cradling the little girl in her arms. Watching them, Mark couldn't help but smile because both his girls were laughing and it was clear they adored each other. He wondered how he got so lucky because not only did Julia love Sofia, Sofia had taken to Julia from the very beginning.

_Julia looked up and caught Mark staring at them. "What?" She asked with a confused smile on her face._

"_Nothing. It's just that you're so good with her," Mark commented._

"_Well, she's the one who makes it easy. Just look at this face," Julia replied as she turned back to Sofia, making her laugh with a funny face._

_Mark returned to preparing dinner but not without glancing at them once more, thinking about how content he was at this very moment and how he could spend the rest of life doing just this._

The blast of a horn brought Mark back to the present. Trying to find the source and without breaking his stride, he looked over his shoulder to see that a car had swerved right into oncoming traffic, narrowly missing the other vehicles on the road. He focused his attention back onto the path in front of him and continued to push himself forward, increasing his speed.

Derek's words came back him. _I knew what to do already but it was just painful to do it._ Mark rolled this over and over in his mind. He was trying so hard to find this thing that he apparently already knew but nothing was coming to him. On paper, this should've been an easy choice – Julia was perfect for him in every way – but Mark knew this wasn't, and couldn't be, just based on what looked right on paper.

Suddenly, he became aware that was trying to make a choice between the two women but he had skipped over something – he hadn't answered Lexie's question from yesterday in the lab.

_Do you still love me?_

Not only had he not given Lexie an answer but he also hadn't answered it to himself. He had registered the question but he didn't let himself truly think about, which made him realize that he had built up some kind of wall when it came to Lexie, some kind of barrier that distanced him from his feelings about her. He didn't even know it had happened but considering what had occurred between them in the past, he wasn't surprised. After all, the heart did need to protect itself somehow.

But if there was any time to try and lower the barrier, he guessed now would be it. Did he still love Lexie? He had to be honest with himself and he needed to know how he really felt before he even began to make any decisions about what to do. Mark took a deep breath and started running faster, a newfound burst of adrenaline surging through him. It was finally dawning on him.

Lexie still loved him.

And he still loved her.

But now what?

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! It's nice to hear what you guys think and they really encourage me to write. I feel really 'meh' about this chapter and I spent ages just rereading it and editing it. It's still not at a place where I'm completely happy with it but I want it off my chest so I'm posting it lol.

I know there is quite a lot of internal angst from Mark in this chapter but what I want to do with this story is delve into their minds a bit more. I felt like the plane crash forced Mark to just flick on a switch and realize he was still in love with Lexie (and fair enough when you're put in that kind of situation) but I always wanted him to come to the realization on his own. Again, thanks for reading and please review!


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't like a huge wave that knocked the wind out of him, but more like gentle waters that had finally found their way back to shore; the fact that Mark loved Lexie wasn't some big revelation and after he recognized the fact, he realized he had expected it all along. He never stopped loving Lexie but it just took some time for him to admit it and to let himself feel it again.

After the realization settled in, Mark practically sprinted all the way back to his apartment, desperately and hopelessly trying to get away from this feeling he knew all too well. He didn't want to love Lexie – he wanted to be in love with Julia – but yet here he was, back in the same place he was two years ago, loving the woman who didn't want the same things he wanted. Why did things never go the way he wanted them to? He wanted to be happy with Julia, to be in it 100%, but now he knew that he couldn't ever give all of himself to her because a part of him was still with Lexie.

Mark doubled over when he reached the entrance to his apartment building and placed his hand against the wall to steady himself, breathing harshly. He gave himself a few minutes to get his breath back before making his way up the elevators and to his apartment. He felt a bit light-headed, but he didn't know whether that was from the run or what he realized on the run. Maybe both.

Mark was still lost in his thoughts when he stepped inside and didn't notice the movement on the other side of the room.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know whether you were back from your fishing trip yet so I haven't started dinner. How was it?"

Mark snapped out of his daze and looked up to see that Julia was walking towards him.

"Hey," she repeated as she kissed him lightly, a slight smile playing on her lips.

Mark smiled at her but it didn't touch his eyes, his mind preoccupied. All of sudden, guilt was coursing through him. Why did he feel like he had done something wrong? He knew he hadn't, but the feeling was there.

"Uh, yeah, the trip was good. Better than I thought it would be. Hey, I remembered that I need to finish off some things at the hospital so I'm just going to take a shower and then get going."

"On your day off? You're not even going to have some dinner?"

"I'll just grab something later. I just really need to look over some things," Mark replied offhandedly, giving Julia a kiss on the cheek before heading to the bedroom.

Julia stared after him, clearly confused about why he was acting strangely. She lingered on it a moment longer before shrugging it off, narrowing it down to him being distracted by what he needed to go into work for.

* * *

After Mark had checked on every single one of his patients, all of whom were doing very well, he bought a bone-dry cappuccino at his favorite coffee cart and drank it slowly as he walked around the halls. He really didn't have that much to do – Avery had basically covered everything – so Mark found himself just wandering around, thinking about nothing in particular. He knew he needed to think about something very particular but he just couldn't bring himself to do it yet, so he let his mind wander the same way he was aimlessly wandering around the hospital.

Half an hour later, Mark had pretty much covered every inch of the surgical wing and he knew that he was being completely stupid by just walking around the hospital to avoid going home, to avoid seeing Julia. He didn't want to avoid her but he just couldn't face lying to her. He couldn't be happy and pretend everything was fine when it clearly wasn't – it just wouldn't be fair to Julia. Taking a deep breath, Mark decided to head down to the ER to see if he could help; he thought that he might as well make himself useful since he was at the hospital anyway. Walking around wasn't doing him any good so maybe getting his hands dirty would help clear his head.

As soon as he walked through the doors, the paramedics were rushing in with a trauma. Mark's demeanor immediately changed and he went into action.

"What do we have?" He asked as Nicole, the paramedic, handed him the chart.

"55 year old male, fuel tanker hit a power pole and caught fire, severe burns to the chest and arms, and suspected fractures in the right tibia and left femur," Nicole responded as she continued pushing the gurney into the ER.

"Ok, take him to Trauma 1," he instructed and then turned to the nurse at the ER desk. "Page ortho."

* * *

Mark was debriding the patient's arm burn when Callie walked in.

"How's our guy doing?"

"He's not in great shape but he'll live. I'm trying to debride as much of the necrotic tissue as I can but I'll need to take him into surgery to deal with his chest burn and do a skin graft."

Callie gently examined the patient's legs. "Yeah, he's going to need surgery for his femur and tibia as well. I can work on his legs while you work on his burns. No need to put him through two surgeries." She started to remove her gloves and headed to the phone by the door. "I'll let the OR know we're coming up. Wait, what are you doing here? Isn't it your day off today?"

"Uh, yeah. I just felt like coming in," Mark answered vaguely.

Callie looked at him suspiciously but decided to drop it, picking up the phone and dialing the extension for the nurses' station on the OR floor.

* * *

"You're being awfully quiet."

Mark snapped out of his reverie, looking up from the third degree burns in front of him to briefly glance at Callie. "Huh, what? What do you mean? I'm working."

"You're doing a debridement like it's the most intense surgery in the world."

"I'm only doing my best to give this patient the medical care he deserves. He deserves my undivided attention as a surgeon and as per my oath and the law, I am giving him the highest standard of care that I possibly can."

Callie raised her eyebrow and gave him the 'Callie Torres stare down'. "Ok, spill it."

"Spill what? There's nothing to spill."

"Something's clearly bothering you and we have hours in here, so tell me what's going on."

"Callie, it's nothing. Just drop it."

She saw the seriousness on his face and she softened, becoming genuinely worried about her best friend.

"Mark, what's wrong?" She asked gently.

Mark didn't answer and continued debriding the dead tissue from the burn. He knew how Callie felt about Lexie and she had made it very clear that she thought Julia was the perfect woman for him, so he wasn't sure whether to tell her about Lexie's confession – and he was even less sure whether he should tell her that he didn't know what to do about it.

Half an hour had passed and neither of them had said another word to each other – Callie wanted to give him some time and Mark was still deciding whether to tell her or not. Callie had never been one for silences and she couldn't stand it any longer.

"Come on, Mark. What's so bad that you can't tell me? Maybe I can help you. I want to help."

"Lexie told me she still loves me," he said quietly without looking over at Callie to gauge her reaction. He knew he would hear it anyway.

"What?" Callie stopped what she was doing and turned to look at him. "Mark, don't go there. Not this again. You guys have been through this before and it didn't work. She left you – twice – for stepping up for your family! Don't do this again."

"Callie, don't start this with me. I don't want to hear it."

"Well, apparently you need to hear it again because it's not getting through to you! You and Lexie didn't work and the reasons why you guys didn't work are still reasons now. You're with Julia now and she is perfect for you. Don't screw this up, Mark. She makes you happy and I just don't want you to get hurt again. I was there when everything went to crap with Lexie and I saw how much of a mess you were, and now I'm here when you're with Julia and I see how happy you are. I just want what's best for you," Callie finished firmly.

"I know it's because you care but you have to stop doing that thing where you rag on the woman that I love. It's getting tiring and-"

"Wait, what? You still love her?" Callie asked incredulously. "Mark, seriously?"

"Yes, I do," Mark replied with a conviction that surprised both Callie and himself.

"Does Julia know?"

"No. Why do you think I'm here instead of at home? I just found out myself and I needed some time."

"Mark, you have to tell her! It's not fair to her for you to-"

"I know, alright?" Mark's voice rising as he cut Callie off. He already had enough on his mind and he didn't need thisfrom Callie. "Don't you think I know that? God, Cal, you need to get off my back. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet and I'm just so damn confused right now. You just need to lay off and be my _friend_. Help me and support me, not make it even harder for me. You know what? I'm done here. I can do the rest once the patient is out of surgery." Mark handed the surgical instruments back to the nurse and backed away from the operating table. He waited as another nurse removed his gloves and gown before he gave Callie one last look and left the OR.

* * *

After she had finished her surgery, Callie went looking for Mark and found him easily enough in a dark and empty x-ray room. He was leaning forward with his hands on a counter and his face downcast, not looking up to acknowledge her presence when she entered. She leaned her back against the counter next to him and took a moment before speaking.

"Mark, look, I'm sorry, okay? It's just that you're happy now – finally – and I don't want to see you throwing it away. You and Lexie, you guys aren't in the same place. You have a child, she's not ready for a family. You want commitment and she's not ready for that either. So she said she loves you. What does that change?"

Mark turned his head towards Callie and he was met with sympathetic eyes. He knew she was just looking out for him but in classic Callie fashion, she came straight out of the gate running strong, and in classic Mark fashion, he hit back. However, they had both calmed down now and he knew she was right since it was all he had been telling himself ever since he realized he still loved Lexie.

"But I love her, Callie. I never stopped loving her. What am I supposed to do about that?"

"I have no idea. Look, you know how I feel about this situation so you know what I would prefer you to do, but all I really want is for you to be happy. It's not that I hate Lexie, because I don't. I even championed your relationship when you guys started out. But things have changed, Mark. Don't confuse the past with the present. You've changed and you're going after the things you want so you need to be with the person who wants those same things."

"Maybe she's changed, too. Maybe she's ready now. Arizona changed, didn't she?"

"You can't compare Lexie to Arizona. They're in different stages of their lives and their careers. The bottom line is you just need to talk to her about all this stuff to know where she's at. You also need to talk to Julia. I am not impressed with you avoiding her."

"Yeah, I know," Mark sighed.

Callie pushed herself off the counter and headed towards the door. She paused in the doorway and turned back to look at her best friend.

"Mark, do you love Julia?"

It was an obvious question for her to ask but he hadn't been expecting it, his face showing his surprise.

"Uh, I haven't said it yet."

"That's not what I asked."

Mark hesitated, knowing full well what she was asking. "I… I could see myself loving Julia. In the future." He knew it wasn't enough but it was the truth and it was the best he could do for now.

Callie simply nodded and continued out the door. When she was out of sight, Mark took out his phone and dialed the number he knew better than anyone else's.

"Hey, can I come over?"

* * *

Derek opened his front door and he was met with a very serious, somewhat nervous Mark.

"Did you tell her I was coming?" Mark asked as he stepped inside the house.

"She probably would've found some excuse to leave the house so no, I didn't. You better know what you're going to say to her. If you've just come here to say you still need some time then you're better off not seeing her at all."

"I've got a little more to say than that. Why are you acting like I'm the bad guy?"

"Mark, you're like my brother but this is Lexie, so I'm protective. You're not the bad guy but I just want you to be sure when you talk to her. We only had our talk this morning so I thought you would take some more time."

"Well, I'm not sure about anything except for this one thing and I just have to talk to her. I don't want to hurt her either, Derek."

Derek took a long look at Mark before deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt. "She's in her room."

"The attic?"

"What? No. Up the stairs and first door on your right," Derek answered, remembering that Mark hadn't been here since before Lexie had moved in to Mark's apartment when they were still together and everyone else had moved out from the house.

Mark nodded and made his way up the stairs. Lexie's door was slightly ajar and he could see her sitting on her bed with her back against the wall, reading a medical journal. Her hair was in a bun and she rested a highlighter on her chin, her eyes slightly narrowed with focus. Mark automatically smiled at the scene before him; he used to tease her about the highlighter since she would always have one in her hand while reading at home but she never needed it due to her photographic memory. Catching himself, Mark shook off the memory and knocked lightly on the door.

"Hey, Lex?" He said tentatively.

The voice surprised her and Lexie sat up reflexively. Confusion flooded her features as she saw who was at her door.

"Mark? What are you doing here? You should've called."

"Yeah, I probably should've, but I just needed to talk to you. Can I come in?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," Lexie replied uncertainly, motioning to the chair across the room. As he sat down, she shuffled to the edge of the bed and sat facing him.

Mark paused for a few moments, looking at the floor and mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. He thought he was ready but it was a whole lot different when Lexie was actually in front of him.

"I still love you, Lexie," he said as he met her eyes, his voice soft. "I think that I never stopped, to be honest, but I just didn't realize."

Lexie didn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Part of her was exuberantly happy but the other part – the bigger part – was worried because of the way Mark had said it; there was a layer of resignation to it, a hint of sadness. So Lexie waited for him to continue, her teeth finding her lower lip instinctively.

"But this isn't as easy as you saying you love me and me saying that I love you because we did that in the past and look where it got us. What I need to know now is where you're at."

"What do you mean?"

"With kids and marriage and everything. Lex, you left me because of Sofia. She's the biggest part of my life and I put her first."

"I wouldn't expect anything else; you're an amazing father," she told him, smiling slightly as she remembered the few times she had seen him with his daughter and how natural it was to him. But her smile faded as she thought of what she was about to say next. "But it's just that it was a lot to take in. I mean, the whole thing with Sloan had just happened and then you dropped Callie being pregnant with your child on me. How did you expect me to react? The truth is, I'm still not fully ready for kids. I'm more ready that I was a few years ago but I'm not at that point yet and I can't lie to you about something this big. But that doesn't mean I don't want kids because I do, with you."

Mark felt his hopes slowly slipping away; she still wasn't ready yet and he had Sofia. How much clearer could it get?

"You know I have a child, so if you're still not ready then why did you tell me you love me? How did you think this could have possibly ended any other way?" Mark asked, his voice starting to rise.

Lexie was taken aback by his tone, surprised that he was getting angry. She quickly went to diffuse the fire that was taking form. "Mark, I know you have Sofia and I understood what I was saying when I told you that I love you. I mean, I didn't quite expect to say it then and there and like that, but I wouldn't have said it if I didn't want all of you. I'm not ready to have _our _kids yet but I've accepted the fact that you have one," she said, her voice soft but firm to make sure he understood. "I don't doubt that I'll fall in love with her if I get to know her."

As he absorbed what she had said, something unrecognizable flickered in Mark's eyes and he abruptly stood up.

"I have to go," he told her as he headed for the door.

Panic set in on Lexie's features and she also stood up, reaching out for him and catching his arm.

"Mark…"

He turned around and looked at her, seeing the worry in her eyes. He cupped her face with his free hand and smiled slightly to put her at ease. "I have to go talk to Julia. I'll be back."

With that, Lexie let him go, hopeful that he meant what she thought and that he would come back to her.

* * *

**A/N: **First off, I just want to apologize for not having updated in a while! For some reason, I just couldn't get this chapter out and so it took some time. Sorry! Thanks to everyone for sticking with me, though.

Secondly, thanks to everyone for reading and/or reviewing! I love reading what you guys have to say and you have no idea how stupidly happy I get when there's a new review.

This may be my last update until at least late February or March because I'm going on a 5-week volunteer trip to Costa Rica (!) at the beginning of January and I don't know if I'll get another chapter out by the time I leave. Sorry in advance for the long-ish hiatus! If I don't update before then, I hope everyone has a great Christmas and see you guys in 2014!

(Random aside: I know everyone has their personal preferences but I find that fanfics are best read with a story width of 3/4, so give it a go if you haven't.)


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